John Law's Carrot and Cut-You-Up Soup

Even when you're on trial for crimes against humanity, you gotta eat / sabotage Lord Round's Crappy Curry Blog.

This is John Law (coming to you from my cell at Scheveningen, the Hague), and my take on a traditional partisan soup. Ingredients vary, depending on what my main man Charles Taylor is able to smuggle past the guards.

Serves 2 (big portions mind)

Ingredients:

1 onion

1 full bulb mini garlic (or about 3-4 cloves of normal)

2 chillies (small, real spicy ones, or equivalent)

2 small potatoes

3 medium-sized carrot

Small can o' chick peas

2 chicken stock cubes

1 litre of water

Plenty o' thyme

If you like it, poach an egg in it

Don't forget seasoning. I'm not joking, and use good olive oil to get the shit going. You know.

Method:

1. Get the BRB to chop your onion, carrots, and the Irish carb (potatoes). Make sure he doesn't chop 'em too small, otherwise you'll have nothing to chew on, and this is no fag soup. Meanwhile, slice the garlic and the bad-ass chillies. Heat up the oil in the saucepan. And don't hold back on the oil. If this concerns you and you have health problems, try another recipe: 'John Law's Carrot'.

2. Throw in the onions — watching out for splash-back — and let 'em soften for a couple of minutes. Add the garlic and chillies, and cook for a further couple o' mins. Put in the chopped carrots and potatoes. Mix that shit up, getting everything nice and glossy and moist (yeh you read right), but don't let it get too hot yet. Unless you want it burnt like a cunt.

3. Presumably you already had the kettle on. If you're knackered from all that cutting up, have a cup of tea. Use the rest of the scolding hot water — 1 litre — to pour onto the unassuming stock. Stir it up, and put it [in] with the rest. Do your thyme, and shake things up with a bit of S'n'P- more P than S. Add the chick peas too, why the fuck not?

4. Turn the heat up to max, and broil the shit out of it. To make things quicker, here's how to thicken it a bit: Get yourself a heaped tablespoon of flour, and mix it with a bit of water, until you have a gloopy, sticky, resilient viscosity to your white mixture. Not too thick mind. Then mix it in with the shit. Simmer until you're into it.

5. If you like it, poach an egg in it. It is recommended not to actually poach an egg in it, rather to poach an egg on the hob next to your JLCACYUS. If you're not familiar with standard vortex and white wine vinegar method, nor with the cling film method, fuck it.

6. Serve with crusty bread or your ex-lover's head.

Oh Yeah! Fuck the Man!